Prayer of the Week

"May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. 


May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom and peace among all people. 


May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.


 May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim."

Time is Love

I love this new song by Josh Turner, "Time is Love".  I love the idea that no, time is not money and we need to stop thinking of it in that sense.  Time is LOVE.  Think of how just spending a little extra time with someone is such an act of love, especially in today's fast-paced culture where everybody seems to be in a hurry.  for example in nursing spending just a little extra time with a patient thoroughly explaining something or just sitting to listen to the patient can be so meaningful to them.  When you truly focus on people as if they are the only thing on your mind at the moment, as if they are the most important priority at hand, people really notice that! I know that there were several mentors throughout high school and college, people who stick out in my mind when I look back, who made me feel that way.  I'd like to strive to be that kind of person to someone else!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fefu8tca4EY

Holy Week

This is an inspiring little quip from my Lent booklet:

"They (the early church - first 50 years after Jesus' death and resurrection) repeated the story of Christ's passion over and over because they knew the ending: The glory of risen life.  The ending made the passion a story of hope.  If God can take something this awful, this ugly, this humiliating, this senseless and transform it into something life-giving, meaningful, beautiful - then God can take the worst things we've done, or the worst things that have been done to us, and transform them.  In God's hands, nothing is unforgivable.  Everything is transformable."

October Baby Thoughts

28 Weeks, last trimester begins!

It's wild to look back on what I thought was a "baby bump" and realize it was hardly anything at all!  Now I truly have a pregnant belly, and Abe moves around and makes my belly move with punches and kicks.  I always wonder what he's doing in there when he is moving around, trying to get comfy! 

I went with my friend Jenny tonight to see the movie October Baby, and I thought it was a fantastic film.  It is about a 19year old abortion survivor - that is, her mother had a failed abortion attempt, and the baby was adopted by a family despite being born premature and having lifelong complications from prematurity.  She goes to find her mother, who at this point is a successful lawyer who has a daughter and husband.  The way they portray the pain that comes from abortion, and the healing and forgiveness which can come from God, is done so well.  They are not convicting, they are not condemning, and the movie just is powerful without being controversial.  I cried a lot during the movie, because I felt so much empathy for the millions of women who listen to society's lies every year.  The lies that LIFE isn't as important as having a career, or being wed, or having enough money saved up to have a baby, or being the right age, or being in the right circumstances. Sometimes, we just have to trust God with those things, that sometimes life is messy and complicated and not perfect, and that we have to embrace it and live each day with the faith that God will see us through. I feel for the women who listen to society's lies, and choose to ignore God's whisper in their hearts. 

I feel empathy for the women who live with decisions they have made and live with lies that they tell themselves to help ease the pain, to help psychologically justify the actions and yet are still searching for forgiveness - to forgive themselves and to find forgiveness from God.  It's out there, the forgiveness is there. I feel anger at our society for allowing this to continue, I feel anger that our society breeds misunderstanding on the topic and has politicized it to the point of no return.  Our culture finds so many ways of undermining the value of life, of disintegrating it's value to nothing - ignoring how it is a God given gift, that each day is a miracle, that we are created by divine design, that we are all unique and individual yet we are truly brothers and sisters - we all have the same basic needs and desires - but our culture becomes more inhumane each day.  We've gone from being a culture of individualism and personal freedom, to a culture of selfishness and self-centeredness; people can't work together for anything because everyone feels entitled to their way, to doing it how they want it.  We need to be turning to God more than ever these days, to seek our guidance and advice. We need to find answers in the Truth.  We need to re-establish the gift of life, and be true believers that EVERY life is beautiful.  

On earth as it is in Heaven...

I have been reading a book called Kisses from Katie, which is a book about the truth of what God calls us to do as Christians.  Katie was a 19 year-old from Tennessee, who was extremely blessed growing up.  She had a big house and a perfect Christian family. And when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to do mission work when she graduated from high school.  So she moved to Uganda, where she still lives now 4 years later.  She has now adopted 14 children, and she cares for nearly 300+ more on a weekly basis through a non-profit ministry called Amazima.  She has this amazing soul for God, for doing what Christ calls us to do - to care for the widowed, the orphaned, the impoverished.  She feeds the hungry and spreads love to those who may never have felt it.  She cares for people who are sick.  She does this day in, day out, and she does not ask for recognition - simply for the chance, the financial opportunity, to continue to serve the community's needs. She desires deeply to live in a world that can be said "on earth as it is in heaven." She does what many of us would like to do - if we weren't so fearful of the unknown.

Katie speaks her heart, and her heart is always focused on Christ.  She completely loves and follows God before all other things, and it allows her to see the world with different eyes.  She, like Mother Teresa, is filled each day with love from Christ first - which allows her to then give that love to others.  If we try to live and love solely based on our own strength, and not on the strength that the Lord gives us, we will burn out.  We will seek to meet our own selfish needs before we seek to meet the needs of others.  We will not have enough love to give day in and day out.

In our "busy" lives in America that we have created for ourselves, we often choose not to make God a priority every single day.  We may pray every day, but we might do it half-heartedly, or routinely, or as an afterthought.  We rarely take the time and set it aside every day to dedicate our hearts to praying to God for guidance, for wisdom, for the fulfilling, life-giving love that He has to give to us.  I want so desperately to make that time, each day, to truly dedicating my heart towards God, yet I feel that I go through periods where I prioritize it, and then through periods where I let it slide awhile.  God, please let me thirst for you daily! Please give me a heart that seeks Your wisdom first!

So God, what do you want me to do today??

I would like to make a point of it to ponder this question each and every morning during the first hour I am awake.  It goes beyond simply asking God, what would you like me to do today?  It goes into God, what can I do for YOU today.  We are the hands and feet of Jesus Christ, and we need to use our own hands and feet, our own talents, our own skills, in order to share His merciful love with others.

It goes into praying for Him to assist us to SEE the opportunites presented to us as opportunities which we can help others, or  share love, peace and positivity with others.  To ask Him to give me His eyes to see with, to view others in the same light as He sees others. To truly give up my own judgments and misconceptions, and to really see others with COMPASSION, to see the human DIGNITY in every single person no matter their problems, attitudes, issues, rantings, etc.  To be merciful, to be the first to forgive in all situations, and to be just and act with righteousness.  To seek to be His hands and feet, each day. To seek to share His love and peace, each day.  To ask God, what do you want me to do today? What can I do for You today? 

Life's not always peachy

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by everything.  By the situation of being pregnant, being far away from the father of the baby, wracked with doubts about the decisions that I am making and have made, stress of a new job, etc; I become overwhelmed with emotions - as well as with feeling numb.  There are breaks in the numbness where I feel pain, deeply. In these moments I think about many things. I think about other peoples lives, all over the globe. I think about other people's pain and suffering.  I think about my own pain and suffering, which is mostly self-inflicted and accrued from shame.  In my lowest, saddest moments, I like to play the song by Matt Maher "You were on the Cross".  It is also a sad song, but ultimately it speaks the truth that God is with us during all of these moments, all of the lowest of the low moments that we have in our lives.  He was on the cross, dieing for us, feeling all the pain and suffering that sin creates in our world - and He did that for us.  He took all of that on His own pure shoulders - all of the pain that we feel, all of the suffering we feel, He too has felt it - He too, was there with us. He too, is here with me in my moments of sadness. Below are the full lyrics of the song.

Matt Maher - You were on the cross

Lost, everything is lost
And everything I've loved before is gone
Alone like the coming of the frost
And a cold winter's chill in my stony heart

And where were You when all that I've hoped for,
Where were You when all that I've dreamed,
Came crashing down in shambles around me?
You were on the cross

Pain, could you take away the pain?
If I find someone to blame, would it make my life seem easier?
Alone, all my friends are asleep
And I can't find anyone to stay awake with me

Where were You when sin stole my innocence?
Where were You when I was ashamed?
Hiding in a life, I wish, I never made

You were on the cross, my God, my God, alone, alone
You were on the cross, You died for us, alone, alone
You were on the cross, victorious, alone, alone

You were there in all of my suffering
And You were there in doubt and in fear
I'm waiting on the dawn to reappear