Now being back in Quito, after my second short trip home for the annual Timmy college conference, life has changed quite a bit. I am now officially settled into my apartment, and have started making changes to it to make it a more liveable, homey space. It will be my little project for the next nine months that I have left in country, trying to make it seem like it is a more modern, more apartment-like space, versus just a converted empty space of a pretty old hospital building. I have already painted the previously peach-colored bathroom a nice gray with white trim. That in itself was a struggle, due to the strong fumes and lack of ventilation system (aka, a fan). But it looks MUCH better. The next project is trying to get the shower that is in the apartment to work!
Other changes include me, being more alone. I live alone, and have broken up with my Ecuadorian boyfriend José. Now I do not really have any friends in south Quito; I have two girl friends who live up in northern Quito, and I try and see one of them once a week. Beyond those two girls, I have Paco and Pablo from Quito Eterno and will probably try and hang out more with them and their friends. In the south, I socialize with my co-workers, but what I was explaining to some people from a surgical group that was in Quito this week, it that the people who I do know from work do not need to be friends with me. Everyone has their own families, their own friend groups; I am just a little gringa who is living here for a short time, nobody needs or really has ever invited me to be real friends with them. That makes me feel lonely, but what I said a year ago before I came was that I wasn´t going to look at loneliness, but a time to share my peace with Christ and really try to still and calm my often restless soul during these months. So, that is what I am working on, becoming more comfortable with a quiet apartment, with down time, with self-reflection.
Every day, I have a routine. I wake up between 5:30-6am, and read the daily readings. I go and jog 2-3 miles, then go to daily mass at 7a.m. I have made friends with the three nuns who live at the church next door, Sister Juanita, Sister Rosita and Sister Blanquita. Father Graziano is the priest who most often celebrates mass; he is this funny, always joyful, always energetic Italian priest, now well into his 60s I would say, who knew and was good friends with Father Carollo, who started the organization Tierra Nueva. Father Graziano has a unique way of giving sermon, of insisting participation from those in the congregation when offering prayer requests and also in what we give thanks to God for. He is a very special priest, and it has been such a blessing to have the church right next door. Plus, I feel so much healthier, having a routine and jogging nearly every day!
I jog on what I call the "excercise highway" and or the "Chicago's Lakeshore Drive" of Quito Sur. It is a little path in El Parque Río Grande that stretches a little over a mile along a ravine that has some tall, pretty grasses planted. At 6 in the morning, it is packed with local Ecuadorians in their "calentadoras" or warm-up jogging suits, all jogging, walking, or doing jazzercise classes which are offered along the length of the park. Yes, full on jazzercise...blasting music, lead by an enthusiastic jazzercist (?) encouraging the 99% women in the class to give their all, to flail their arms this way and that way, and to really work it out! It is quite entertaining : ) and I have often had the urge to go and join, although I am not sure if it costs money per session...
Happy thoughts about new changes to life include that I no longer am attacked by the several dogs that lived in the parking lot (a fence gate has been put up, which dramatically increased my standard of living), I will likely have Internet in my apartment by this time next week, and I have been learning so much about the love and relationship that Jesus our Savior would like to have for me. His Mercy is limitless, and the treasury of His Compassion is inexhuastible. He came not to condemn us, but to save us; to draw us closer, rebuild us, to envelop us with love. What I have realized is that to become that woman who I have always wanted to become, a loving mother and wife, a patient and kind nurse, a woman with shinings eyes and a radiating smile, always willing to empathize with others, to share in their suffering and joys, to put others first, a woman who is mature and confident in her own experiences and knowledge, but also humble and generous, a woman who inspires others to do good, to give of their time, to believe in realistic optimism...if I ever want to have a chance to become that woman, I must repent, allow Jesus to truly enter my life, and to recognize that regardless of the many past mistakes I have made in my life, Jesus wants to offer me his love and mercy; the more I believe that I am not worth His Mercy or Love, the more I will reject the flood of Divine Mercy and Love in my life, and the more I will fall away from ever becoming the vision of that woman that has led me to come to Ecuador...If I want to radiate love and compassion to others, I first have to allow such love and compassion into my life. By constantly degrating myself, I allow the Devil and sin to win, I allow darkness to fill me, I lose respect for my own self, for the Holy Spirit that was sent to me through baptism, I reject the light by believing I am not worth it. And living in despair is letting sin win. More than anything, I must allow Jesus to fill me, to flood me, to remove the bitterness from my heart and replace it with love. Believing that He wants to do that, believing that He was sent to live and die and rise again in atonement for our sins, that is a truly joyful thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef9jKHwHueQ&feature=related
Other changes include me, being more alone. I live alone, and have broken up with my Ecuadorian boyfriend José. Now I do not really have any friends in south Quito; I have two girl friends who live up in northern Quito, and I try and see one of them once a week. Beyond those two girls, I have Paco and Pablo from Quito Eterno and will probably try and hang out more with them and their friends. In the south, I socialize with my co-workers, but what I was explaining to some people from a surgical group that was in Quito this week, it that the people who I do know from work do not need to be friends with me. Everyone has their own families, their own friend groups; I am just a little gringa who is living here for a short time, nobody needs or really has ever invited me to be real friends with them. That makes me feel lonely, but what I said a year ago before I came was that I wasn´t going to look at loneliness, but a time to share my peace with Christ and really try to still and calm my often restless soul during these months. So, that is what I am working on, becoming more comfortable with a quiet apartment, with down time, with self-reflection.
Every day, I have a routine. I wake up between 5:30-6am, and read the daily readings. I go and jog 2-3 miles, then go to daily mass at 7a.m. I have made friends with the three nuns who live at the church next door, Sister Juanita, Sister Rosita and Sister Blanquita. Father Graziano is the priest who most often celebrates mass; he is this funny, always joyful, always energetic Italian priest, now well into his 60s I would say, who knew and was good friends with Father Carollo, who started the organization Tierra Nueva. Father Graziano has a unique way of giving sermon, of insisting participation from those in the congregation when offering prayer requests and also in what we give thanks to God for. He is a very special priest, and it has been such a blessing to have the church right next door. Plus, I feel so much healthier, having a routine and jogging nearly every day!
I jog on what I call the "excercise highway" and or the "Chicago's Lakeshore Drive" of Quito Sur. It is a little path in El Parque Río Grande that stretches a little over a mile along a ravine that has some tall, pretty grasses planted. At 6 in the morning, it is packed with local Ecuadorians in their "calentadoras" or warm-up jogging suits, all jogging, walking, or doing jazzercise classes which are offered along the length of the park. Yes, full on jazzercise...blasting music, lead by an enthusiastic jazzercist (?) encouraging the 99% women in the class to give their all, to flail their arms this way and that way, and to really work it out! It is quite entertaining : ) and I have often had the urge to go and join, although I am not sure if it costs money per session...
Happy thoughts about new changes to life include that I no longer am attacked by the several dogs that lived in the parking lot (a fence gate has been put up, which dramatically increased my standard of living), I will likely have Internet in my apartment by this time next week, and I have been learning so much about the love and relationship that Jesus our Savior would like to have for me. His Mercy is limitless, and the treasury of His Compassion is inexhuastible. He came not to condemn us, but to save us; to draw us closer, rebuild us, to envelop us with love. What I have realized is that to become that woman who I have always wanted to become, a loving mother and wife, a patient and kind nurse, a woman with shinings eyes and a radiating smile, always willing to empathize with others, to share in their suffering and joys, to put others first, a woman who is mature and confident in her own experiences and knowledge, but also humble and generous, a woman who inspires others to do good, to give of their time, to believe in realistic optimism...if I ever want to have a chance to become that woman, I must repent, allow Jesus to truly enter my life, and to recognize that regardless of the many past mistakes I have made in my life, Jesus wants to offer me his love and mercy; the more I believe that I am not worth His Mercy or Love, the more I will reject the flood of Divine Mercy and Love in my life, and the more I will fall away from ever becoming the vision of that woman that has led me to come to Ecuador...If I want to radiate love and compassion to others, I first have to allow such love and compassion into my life. By constantly degrating myself, I allow the Devil and sin to win, I allow darkness to fill me, I lose respect for my own self, for the Holy Spirit that was sent to me through baptism, I reject the light by believing I am not worth it. And living in despair is letting sin win. More than anything, I must allow Jesus to fill me, to flood me, to remove the bitterness from my heart and replace it with love. Believing that He wants to do that, believing that He was sent to live and die and rise again in atonement for our sins, that is a truly joyful thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef9jKHwHueQ&feature=related
No comments:
Post a Comment