Well, I have officially turned old. It happened so quickly, like the blink of an eye, that I became "out of touch" with what is cool in the eyes of the youth. Although I have been seeing signs of this for months, it became drastically apparent last night, New Year's Eve, while I was lying on my brother's couch, dozing during a movie, mentally coaching myself to stay up until the ball dropped at midnight. When we turned on the 40th annual Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve, we saw Ryan Seacrest interviewing several people who had performed earlier that night. The only person I recognized was Santana and Justin Beiber, and I started commenting on how WEIRD the other people looked, and how I didn't even know what band they were from, and how I couldn't believe people like them were even famous...Brandy looks over to me, and says "well, congratulations, you are officially OLD".
It's not my plan in 2012 to fight the "oldness" that I have recently acquired, but rather view this as one giant leap of maturity. I don't care to bother with pop culture, I don't need to know who Justin Beiber is dating or how to even say his name and I really don't care to fill my mind with secular, materialistic nonsense all day long by watching TV. Does that make me old, or is that just what my personality always was, but was just overshadowed by immature drinking habits that I had all these past 5 years? I have no resolution this year (besides flossing...DAILY!!), but perhaps my only one goal is to embrace each day more and more the person and woman I am becoming. To make no excuses for the "way I am" and to instead focus on being the best I can be each day. . . to let the good parts of me shine, and not get so caught up on the negatives.
This is easier said than done. I wish I could be some champion for single mothers out there everywhere, some positive light to others, a cheerleader to others going through a similar situation as I am. But, I will admit, I am not always positive. I am sometimes racked with anxiety and doubt. I fret about decisions in the future that have no meaning to me on this day. I fret about decisions already made, the wheels already put in motion, and how life can't be turned back, can't be re-done. There are no re-do's in life, you just have to keep moving. But it's so hard to know, when faced with a decision, what is the right thing to do? Our decisions are made often times in the heat of the moment, clouded by emotions and opinions and thoughts and feelings....it's hard to step back, pray, and discern our decisions with reason, instead of emotion. At least, that seems hard for me to do.
So, here we are, now starting 2012...all I can do is promise myself I will try and floss daily, and to be the best I can be, taking one day at a time, and turning to prayer instead of fretful worrying.
It's not my plan in 2012 to fight the "oldness" that I have recently acquired, but rather view this as one giant leap of maturity. I don't care to bother with pop culture, I don't need to know who Justin Beiber is dating or how to even say his name and I really don't care to fill my mind with secular, materialistic nonsense all day long by watching TV. Does that make me old, or is that just what my personality always was, but was just overshadowed by immature drinking habits that I had all these past 5 years? I have no resolution this year (besides flossing...DAILY!!), but perhaps my only one goal is to embrace each day more and more the person and woman I am becoming. To make no excuses for the "way I am" and to instead focus on being the best I can be each day. . . to let the good parts of me shine, and not get so caught up on the negatives.
This is easier said than done. I wish I could be some champion for single mothers out there everywhere, some positive light to others, a cheerleader to others going through a similar situation as I am. But, I will admit, I am not always positive. I am sometimes racked with anxiety and doubt. I fret about decisions in the future that have no meaning to me on this day. I fret about decisions already made, the wheels already put in motion, and how life can't be turned back, can't be re-done. There are no re-do's in life, you just have to keep moving. But it's so hard to know, when faced with a decision, what is the right thing to do? Our decisions are made often times in the heat of the moment, clouded by emotions and opinions and thoughts and feelings....it's hard to step back, pray, and discern our decisions with reason, instead of emotion. At least, that seems hard for me to do.
So, here we are, now starting 2012...all I can do is promise myself I will try and floss daily, and to be the best I can be, taking one day at a time, and turning to prayer instead of fretful worrying.
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