Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Year 25 of life

Well, I have now completed 25 years of life on this lovely planet.  What have I learned and accomplished in this past year? I have learned more than ever in this past year of living in a different country, separated from how I grew up and my friends and family.  Gaining a new perspective on life, and the millions of ways in which lives are lived, has been very eye-opening to me.  I have learned so much about how far my comfort zone can be pushed, and have seen myself be changed over the course of a year.  I do not have any deep reflections about being twenty five, although I was joking about having my quarter-life crisis.  I actually think I'm beginning to gain more peace of mind, versus being in any state of crisis, as parts of whom I am become more solidified. 

"It would be better for me to have a musical instrument or a chorus which I was directing in discord and out of tune, better that the mass of mankind should disagree with me and contradict me than that I, a single individual, should be out of harmony with myself and contradict myself." Plato

I understand this fully.  For so many years I found this discord within myself; living one way, yet judging the same actions that I made.  Living one way, out of tune with what was going inside of my head and heart.  Living one way, a child of sin, while desperately trying to hold on to some inkling of innocence and wishing to be a better child of God instead.  The disconnect between thoughts, beliefs, and my actions, absolutely tore me apart.  What I feel now is a new revival of myself and my soul, that life can be lived the way that I had viewed it before, and that life does not have to be led in sin and personal destruction.

I am very thankful that through this all, God constantly called to me...constantly tugged at my heartstrings, however fragile they were.  He has never left my side, He has always been there.  I simply ignored or distorted the calls before.  I am so thankful that He has given me such good friends and family that are still here for me, supporting me, who also share the same beliefs.  I pray that other people that I know are also opened to His loving embrace and mercy, so that they may share in the joy and peace of the Lord.

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